just for the sake of fairness I should point out tha personally I have had a penis in my mouth before.

and it wasn’t my own.

it was a pig penis.

it was grilled.

and I ate it.

I of course am famous for having never been drunk, though I have tried many many times. So chicks dig cigars, huh? Is it a phallic thing? Jon, how much is having a cigar in your mouth like having a penis in your mouth? You can tell me! And when did you stop beating your wife?

Actually, I must admit that I have had positive experiences with cigars in the past. The key is that you don’t want to be drunk, and you want to smoke them very slowly. In my case, it’s not so much about the cigar, but about taking the time to sit and talk with someone else for the duration. Two folks sit with a cigar and the conversation takes on a little more weight. Absurd but true.

Also, they don’t smell so bad when you’re the one smoking them; your olfactory sensors are completely dead in just a few seconds. And so far it’s been mainly chicks that I smoked them with. Go figure!

that kathy in fact DIDN’T win the long jump. I did. She cheated.

I also have photographic evidence of Mark’s heartbroken face when he scored dead last in the asthetics contest and realized that it would ruin his demolition score.

men seem to love chomping on big stinky ones – but they smell absolutely disgusting and do seem to make you sick. I get sick just smelling them.

Wait, you’re moving to Henderson? Like we’ll be neighbors? Crazy. Cool. I’ll show you how to ruin your life sometime.

Actually, some geeks and geek-type events would be very welcome out here.

Nice bacronym, baby.