Right for the rest of my life gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r

What? I didn’t eat the wings? I remember distinctly disassembling them and sucking the bones. You must be thinking of some other bucket of KFC you ate this week. I admit to lacking an exact calculation on the potatoes and biscuits but I ate my share and there is no way you ate enough of either to tip the scales in your favor. Live with it.

I will be at the bbq. I will bring lamb. Sync up with Kris and Heidi — we don’t want two smashing bbq’s overlapping.

Is there anyone I shouldn’t invite?

Answer that in private, I suppose.

And the biscuits! I haven’t even mentioned the biscuits yet, of which I ate well more than half.

The first and most glaring problem with your calculation is the notion that you ate the wings. You did not eat the wings.

Plus I ate both more of the mashed potatoes and what could only be described as the lion’s share of the ice cream.

Are you coming to my bbq or not? We can settle this matter there.

Okay, so using this helpful nutritional calculator determined that all told you ate 322 grams of chicken, which comprised 720 calories and 41 grams of fat. We ate roughly the same amount of sides, but including them (coleslaw, mashed potatoes with gravy, and biscuits) your grand total for the meal was 660 grams of food (that’s 1.4lbs), which comprised 1260 calories and 67 grams of fat. That is truly impressive, even for someone with your eating history.

However, I ate 464 grams chicken (nearly 45% more) comprised of a whopping 1180 calories and 79 grams of fat (almost 93% more!). Combined with my sides that brings my total to a winning 802 grams of food (that’s 1.7lbs), which comprised of 1710 calories and 105 grams of fat. I am quite proud.

And then, yeah, the Ben & Jerry’s.

Do the drinks or cigars count? There’s never any nutritional info on them.

Lies. You ate two breasts. I ate two drumsticks, two thighs, and two wings. I admit these are smaller pieces, but that still must be more than half. I feel there is a website somewhere that could resolve such a question…

You did not eat most of that bucket!

I ate at least half of it.